# 14

; misunderstood

I feel misunderstood like 80% of the time. I mean I can’t blame anyone for it, but it’s just a little frustrating sometimes.

I can’t blame anyone because I can’t even tell you what I’m actually feeling most of the time. And even my parents don’t really get me either.

Here’s what’s ‘wrong’ with me. I can’t really make out what I’m feeling most of the time, much less emote. But people around me always assume that I’m feeling in a certain way etc., and I don’t really like it? Because they don’t ask me if how I am actually feeling. And if I say ‘I don’t know’, they take it negatively and think that I am in a bad mood.

I’m not really someone who wants to hide her feelings anymore? I used to when I was younger because I was taught to keep my negativity inside. But now, I’m pretty straightforward when people ask me things.

So, when I say that I don’t know, I really mean ‘I don’t know’. It may sound whack, but it’s true. Elaine is incapable of understanding her complicated self.

A few days ago, someone told me that I was ‘acting’ my feelings out and gave the example of me listening to music on my headphones. I was literally taken aback by that comment, and I’ve been trying to understand why would that person say such a thing. But I really can’t understand why.

Let me try to explain some of my behaviours:

  • Me on my headphones: I want to listen to music
  • Me closing my eyes: I am tired
  • Me walking about: I am restless/ My legs are sore
  • Me looking down at my phone: I am doing something on my phone (playing a game/ researching/ texting)
  • Me shaking my legs: Probably because I want to pee?

Really, I am a pretty straightforward person. I love music a lot, and I have anxiety issues, so I bought myself a noise reduction (for anxiety) wireless headphone. It is very much a hassle to turn it on and off if I am just going to make small talk with someone for awhile so I keep one bud in my left ear (my bad ear) and listen with my good ear.

I realise that people have too many expectations of others?

I’m supposed to know what I’m feeling exactly, I’m supposed to off my headphones whenever someone speaks to me, I’m supposed to do this and do that in certain situations.

Well news flash, everyone is different and everyone changes!

Please don’t go around forcing your expectations on others because not only does it make the other person feel horrible, you make yourself feel bad as well.

Let me know in the comments if you have met people who misunderstood you one too many times!

Warmest hugs,

e.clair ♥


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