# 21

; am I special or am I not?

I am not sure if this will be a relatable post, but I think most of you will understand me (hopefully HAHA).

I always imagine that each and everyone of us is different, special. And I always admitted to myself that I am a weird kid because for some reason, I go against the current at every chance I can get.

But after today, the thought of me being special is crumbling away.

Someone I trust and respect completely, told me that I should stop thinking that I am different from everyone else. And that I should stop wanting to be special. I was utterly heartbroken when I heard that.

I have never felt so paralysed, so choked up, ever.

Is it wrong to like being different? Being different has become somewhat like an identity for me. Telling me not to be different or that I’m not different, is like stripping me of my identity.

Perhaps I got the wrong idea? I desperately tried to comfort myself. And yet my rational mind keeps replaying the words she said. At this point of time, suicidal thoughts suddenly came rushing into my mind, filling up every little space I have left in my brain, making my head feel heavier and on the verge of bursting.

That’s when I posted on facebook, pleading for help. And sure enough, many responded with worried texts in the end.

To those who checked up on me and chatted with me just to make sure that I’m okay, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am feeling much better now, even though I still am sorting out my feelings on me being special.

And to my readers who need a listening ear, I am wiling to be one 🙂 Talk to you all soon!

Warmest hugs,

e.clair ♥


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