; my constant need for affirmation?
I realised that I constantly seeking for encouragement or approval, no matter what I’m doing.
I am afraid that I am doing something wrong all the time.
Can I be angry? Can I be happy? Can I be sad? Can I say this? Can I do this?
These thoughts fill my head all the time. Self-doubt, anxiety and pessimism just consume me.
But why do I have to get permission to express how I actually feel in a certain situation?
I’ve been hiding my true emotions and thoughts all my life, to the point that I have no idea how to express myself accurately right now.
95% of the people I know either see me as a ‘bubbly’ person or an ’emotional’ person. But to be honest, that’s just one side of me (yes I said it like how Susan Boyle did).
And it’s not only that.
I am afraid to make decisions too. Because millions of scenarios play out in my head each time I want to say or do something.
I’m always thinking of that one way where nobody will get hurt, but in the end, somebody always gets hurt.
Overtime, I lost trust in my judgement. And that is when I started to need constant affirmation in whatever I was doing.
When in reality, those bad situations became that way because of how others reacted as well.
Then I came to a realisation – I am way too harsh on myself.
The moment things go wrong, I immediately blame myself and start to apologise and get awkward. When all that was needed, was some time.
Time to heal, time to let go. Time to forgive, time to forget.
I am sure that I’m not the only one who goes through this daily. And to those who go through this too, I think that it is important to know that the only person you should be taking of, is you.
Though it sounds really selfish, if you aren’t going to be taking care of your own mental health, who else will?
And by that, I mean letting everything go. Your worries, your emotions etc.
Be honest with yourself so that you will be honest to others as well. And the people who love you, will support you and your decisions. Fully explain your train of thoughts, so that people will begin to see how your thought process is like. You could try my teachers’ method – start your sentences with ‘I’. For example, “I feel upset because…”. 😀
Just be sure that you do not harm others. And apologise if you ever do.
Let’s stop thinking too much. Because it’s honestly better, in the long run, to just voice out your thoughts instead of bottling them up and exploding at a random moment.
Let’s work hard together okay 🙂