# 42

; when I knew that I’m bound to leave

I started becoming overly sensitive when people I want to go out with, just don’t have the time.

It’s like in my mind, I have a time bomb that is constantly counting down. And because of that persistent reminder, I get so frustrated when they can’t make it, even though I know that it’s not their fault.

I remember telling myself how much I wanted to do this and do that when I’m having my gap year.

Yet, all I’m doing is really ‘nothing’. I’m just doing what I think I should do.

I tire myself day and night thinking about how I can be of help to others when I’m still available for them. I live day after day just for the sole purpose of being there for anyone who needs me.

I have forgotten, that I should be doing what I really want to do. I have forgotten what it felt like to just hang out with myself.

What I truly need to do now, is spend time with myself because when will I ever get to in the future?

I should take the time to understand more about myself. I should take the time to experience the activities that I have always wanted to try out.

Spending time with family and friends should just come naturally. I mean, if they really want to spend time with me, they would ask, am I right?

Warmest hugs,

e.clair ❤

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