# 60

; breast cancer

The month of October is also known as the Breast Cancer Awareness Month to many. Breast cancer is the most common cancer worldwide and it can affect both men and women.

To understand more about the risk factors for Breast Cancer, please check out National Breast Cancer Foundation’s website!

Today, I am not sharing a personal story, but my mother’s story.

When my mother was in her 20s, she was diagnosed with leukaemia. After suffering in the hospital for about 2 years, she finally had a bone marrow transplant and managed to survive.

Everything was fine until last year.

The doctor found multiple lumps in her breast and confirmed it to be Stage 2B Breast Cancer.

She went for surgery twice because the first time, they did not remove all of the lumps. And she went for radiotherapy as well. But she rejected chemotherapy.

I tried to convince her to go for chemotherapy but she rejected the idea, and I sort of understood why she wouldn’t want to experience it again.

I said ‘sort of’ because I was posted to an Oncology ward previously. And seeing the patients live day by day in pain was incredibly heart wrenching. As a daughter, I didn’t want her to live through that pain. But if she needed to go through that pain to live another 10 years, then I had to at least try to convince her.

But my mother didn’t want to live through that pain again. She would rather live happily for the remaining time she has than live in agony for another couple of years.

My mother has kicked cancer’s butt twice. And now we are just playing the waiting game. Hoping that she does not get a relapse in the next 4 years.

Unfortunately for me, breast cancer is hereditary. So compared to others, I am at a much higher risk of getting breast cancer. Thus I have to be extra careful with my health if I want to live till I’m wrinkly and old HAHA.

I believe the link above will provide you with all the information you need about breast cancer, so happy reading friends!! :’)

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

Advertisements

# 58

; mental health

Mental health is a topic that is really really close to my heart and Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW) or Mental Health Awareness Week has just passed (it’s the first week of October), so I thought that I should write about my thoughts on it.

Even though I have never been to a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis, I knew that something wasn’t right. I was often depressed and negative thoughts often visited my mind at the most random times of the day. Suicidal thoughts also came and went like passing clouds.

Those were dark times.

Unlike physical health issues, mental health issues can’t be seen on the surface. There are no physical symptoms or evidence. And feelings are totally objective. That’s why it is so hard to diagnose and treat.

A person with depression is not just ‘someone who is constantly sad’.

Depression is like a parasite eating you alive from within. Depression is like the family member who constantly picks a fight with you. Depression is like the waves that repeatedly crash onto shore.

Depression is a silent killer.

It may not kill someone physically, but it may kill someone’s soul.

For me, expressing my thoughts has played a major part in my recovery. Having someone listen to me go on and on about random things helped me organise my thoughts in a way. And that made me feel like I had regained a sense of control over myself.

Therefore, for those who are suffering from depression or anxiety, please grab anyone and pour out your thoughts to them, or you could leave a comment down below as well! I’d be more than glad to be a listening ear.

And for those who have loved ones suffering from depression or anxiety or any other mental illness, I hope that you’ll be patient with them. Listen to their stories even if it doesn’t make sense. Not hear, listen. Be present.

Also, I found two amazing Instagram pages that encourage people to communicate more about their mental health. Do follow them @idontmind and @namicommunicate!

You can also visit their websites for plenty of information on mental health illnesses!! Happy reading!! 🙂

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 57

; ‘normal’?

I feel like I may have written something about this before but I’m not too sure…

What is considered ‘normal’?

Does one have to go to school, university and get a ‘proper’ job to be considered normal?

I think that what we consider to be ‘normal’ are really just ‘guidelines’ or expectations the society has of everyone else.

It’s like there’s an imaginary checkbox for us to tick off for every ‘milestone’ we accomplish in life.

Normality is defined as ‘the state of being usual, typical or expected’.

So here’s my question. Would you rather be ‘normal’ or would you rather be you? I feel that it is important to pursue your interests as long as it doesn’t harm people.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that ‘normal’ is bad. But the society makes it seem as though if you are ‘abnormal’, it is ‘bad’.

I have seen people who steer away from or even scowl at autistic children or people with tics. It is incredibly saddening to witness because I do have an autistic relative and the last thing that I’d want to see is him being treated the same way.

But thank God for the internet, and thank God for the courageous parents out there who have shared their heartwarming stories with their ‘abnormal’ children.

Because of the increasing awareness of mental illness, and other issues, people are becoming more accepting towards once foreign or taboo topics. Which is awesome!!

But I also think that we still have a long way to go!! Let’s continue spreading love and dissolving hate!

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 56

; grateful from the bottom of my heart

These days, I have been feeling really contented with what I have.

Last week, I saw a video on Facebook. It showed an interview with Google’s Chief Business Officer, Mr Mo Gawdat. And they were talking about ‘happiness’. Apparently, Mr Mo Gawdat created an ‘algorithm’ to help people become truly happy.

He said, and I quote, “Happiness is equal to, or greater than the difference between the way you see the events of your life and your expectation of how life should behave.”

Which I have to agree!

He also said that people confuse ‘happiness’ with ‘fun’ because people tend to seek thrills to be ‘happy’, but they are only ‘happy’ for a short period of time.

What I think, is that people are only momentarily happy because we are not contented with our lives. Just like he said, if we have high expectations of how our life should be, and we are constantly thinking about how things are going wrong, then we will never be happy.

But if we think of our failures, our setbacks, as opportunities to grow, then perhaps one day, we will reach our ‘expectations’ of life.

We could shift our focus from ‘what we don’t have’ to ‘what we have’.

We could try being grateful for the little things.

A smile, a ‘thank you’, a hug, a compliment, or even another’s existence could be something to be grateful for (I am thankful to be alive and I am also thankful that my loved ones are safe and happy)!

What do you think?

By the way, I have a favourite quote to lift my own spirits up and that is, “When a door closes, another opens.”

I hope that it helps some of you too!

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 55

; a personal project

I don’t know if it’s because I have been choreographing recently, or because I’m leaving next year, that I suddenly had the courage and motivation to go through with this personal project of mine.

Basically, I listen to songs, and pick out the songs that remind me of certain humans in my life. Choreograph to it, teach them the dance, and video both of us dancing to that choreography!

Of course they can change the parts they don’t like to something they are more comfortable with!

But I don’t know, I think it’s cool.

It makes me feel even mpre connected to a person. Like it makes me really sit down and think about that one person I am choreographing for.

What is their style? What do they like? What is their personality like? Their strengths?

All these questions would make their way into my mind and to be honest, instead of overwhelming me, it makes me understand myself even more.

Like as a friend, to what degree have I understood them.

All I can say is, something’s brewing! :’)

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 54

; a crazy thought

Last year, a random crazy thought came into my mind because of a dream that I had.

In that dream, I was ‘manipulating’ miniature humans in a snow globe. I would say whatever I wanted to happen next, and it would happen! Just like magic HAHA.

But when I woke up, it got me thinking as to whether that could be reality.

Are we all puppets? Unknowingly controlled by someone greater?

And if we are, who?

Could it be someone malicious? Or could it be some benelovent (fingers crossed)?

Either way, we are here in our reality. Let’s live life to our fullest!

(perhaps this post was also crafted by the greater being)

By the way, I know some of you may be screaming ‘God’ behind the screen. And yes I do believe in God as well.

But I appeared in a weird psychic fortune teller kind-of-vibe (in my dreams), so I just shared this little random crazy thought of mine HAHAHAHA.

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 53

; love languages

2 to 3 days ago, my friend shared a link with me. It was a link to a survey. And in that survey, they ask people a series of questions to help them determine the degree of importance of each love language for you.

So there are 5 main love languages – acts of service, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts and words of affirmation.

And yes, that’s my order of ‘preference’ HAHA.

If you want to take the survey as well, here’s the link!

Anyway, the entire love languages thing got me thinking about those dear to me. Have I been loving them the way they want to be loved? Or have I just been loving them the way I want to be loved?

And to be honest, I didn’t really think about it THAT much until now.

For parents, they’ll tell you what they want you to do. And if you do it, they’ll be happy.

But as for the other people you care about in your life, you don’t really know unless it’s plain obvious.

I think if we knew one another’s ‘preferences’, it would be so much easier to make our dear ones happier??

But then again, I feel like our preferences change when there’s a special occasion.

Some may prefer sweet nothings, while others may want to be pampered with gifts. Some may just want a chill hangout, while others may want a big surprise.

I think this is what makes everything so tricky in a relationship. It is as if everything will be over in one wrong move.

Personally, I would feel grateful and thankful for any genuine display of kindness. (But of course, I am aware that that are others who demand certain things.) How about you?

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 52

; lost track of time

From 30th July to 20th August, I was working part time for a few events. And in that time, I met a few acquaintances. Just two weeks later, I met them again on another job.

Funny thing is, I thought that it had been months since we last met and not just 2 weeks.

Though this may sound really contradicting, I feel like time is passing by really quickly. It’s just that because I’m so focused on the current project I’m working on, it feels like the previous ‘projects’ that I was involved in, happened quite some time ago.

I don’t know if this makes sense to all of you but yeah it’s how I’m currently feeling HAHAHA.

Time is passing by really quickly for me now because of the project I’m involved in. It always feels like there’s not enough time! 😦 Our third vetting for the recital will be taking place tomorrow and boy am I nervous!

For some of you, you may know that I’ll be leaving Singapore soon to further my studies in another country.

And because of this reason, I wish that time would slow down whenever I am with someone dear to me.

I am definitely not the only person in this world who thinks this way.. We all have a love- hate relationship with time HAHA.

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

# 51

; dating?

Recently, someone asked me what I’d define as dating.

Though this may be inaccurate, but I think that a hangout can only be considered a ‘date’ if both parties feel that special something for one another.

(Some people think of dating as a way to get to know someone better so feelings may not be involved for both parties.)

I am a really awkward and weird person, especially when it comes to dating. (I think that it’s kind of scary to be honest.) And the reason I find it scary is because of all the ‘rules’ and the ‘things to expect’.

It’s like there’s an imaginary list for you and the other party to tick off before it can be considered as a good date.

At the end of the day, I realise that I was just so stressed up the entire time because I was constantly thinking if I did anything wrong.

But recently, I watched a video by Anna Akana, titled “The only dating advice you’ll ever need“.

And I totally agree with her grandmother that all people should just be themselves when they’re on a date. I guess we really need to start putting our true selves out there if we want to find someone who will accept us wholeheartedly.

Humans tend to complicate things by not showing their true emotions or intentions. I mean, if they fall in love with the façade of you, they will start to grumble when they start seeing the real you. And things will start to fall apart ‘as you expected’.

But really, we only have ourselves to blame.

We should learn to love ourselves first. Only then can we love others, and only then can we accept other people’s love for us.

Of course some people will start saying, “Easier said than done!” And I do agree with you. It is really tough. But if we want people to love us for who we really are, and not the ‘perfect’ person we present ourselves to be, then we have to learn.

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤

 

 

# 50

; getting inspiration from little things

Recently, I have been feeling uninspired.

But because of the goals I have to meet, I pressured myself to come up with stuff. And at first, the ‘stuff’ that I came up with were not of good ‘quality’ because I was being lenient with myself. I was too focused on meeting the goal instead of the ‘quality’ of my ‘product’.


Just like in Happy Feet where every penguin’s soul song is different, I believe it’s the same for everyone in the real world.

Everyone’s soul is different. We experience different things, we learn different values, different beliefs. And all of that makes us who we are essentially.

And because every choreographer’s soul is different, we will come up with different choreographies. And I realised that there is no point in giving myself so much pressure as well because it would only hinder my judgement or make me feel uninspired too.

Realising that was the first step to regaining my confidence.

When I had the confidence, and stopped being so critical about my ideas, I had much more fun. I didn’t care whether it was any good, because I knew that I would think of something better if I just kept going. Crazy ideas came flowing, which eventually will become a reality. 🙂

Inspiration flowed from the landscape around me, from other genres of music and from my interaction with other people.

I think this is the reason why kids come up with amazing things. Because they are just having fun, and they do not overcomplicate things for themselves.

Let’s have more fun in life 😀 ❤

Always thinking,

e.clair ❤